2. Sidewalk Chalk
This is a song about my butt
Once I was walkin'
I was walkin' down the sidewalk
And I saw a little boy... oh, it might have been a girl
She was, she was drawin' with some sidewalk chalk
And you know what I said to her, I said,
"I got a butt
Do you got one?"
And she said, I think she said somethin' like "no"
And I said, "What?"
I said, "That makes me emotional, like mad, and, uh... snow"
I was, uh... walkin' some more down the sidewalk
But this time there was no one around to draw with their sidewalk chalk
And so I saw a little ant crawlin' on a crack [in the] sidewalk
And I said, "You know what? You can't walk on my crack
'Cause I'm... you know what I'm talkin' about"
I don't need to tell you what I'm sayin'
'Cause I'm... you're an ant
And I don't care what ants do
Because ants don't care about anything
They don't even care about poo
That's right, that's right, I said it, "poo"
Yeah... yeah, I'm gettin' all worked up
I think I should, uh, walk down the street some more
And you know what, uh, I was walkin' and I was listening to some folklore
Yee-ha!
And so I met another cowboy
Wait... did I tell you about the first one yet?
Yeah, and he was...
I walked up to him and I said, "Honey..."
No, I didn't say that, I said, "Let's make a bet"
"How many chickens does it take to cross the sidewalk?"
And he said, "I don't know, could you tell me?"
Well
You know what I said to that cowboy?
I said, I said, "Are you... did you say what I think you just said?
Did you say what I think you just said?
Did you say it?
I don't wanna even talk about it
Because I am so infuriated by what you just said"
And I took his hat, I took his cowboy hat
With a dimple in it in the top
And I threw it in the mud
That's right, I threw it in the mud
That's right, I threw it in the mud
I threw it in the mud
And it got mud all over it
And I said, "You know what I'm gonna do?"
I said, "I'm gonna stomp on it"
And so I did stomp on it
And I stomped on it until it was completely stomped out
And I said, "Is that what you like? Is that what you like?
Is that what you like, my little cowboy friend?
Is that what cowboys like? Is that what cowboys like to do?
Well I always like to make all my cowboy friends happy
Yes, I do like to [do that]"
I said, "Oh, yes, you a cowboy [sic]"
And I said, "Yes! I want you to die! Die!
No, no, I want your hat to be crushed under the weight of my boot!
My boot! My boot! My foot! My foot has a boot on it! Yes it does!"
Yes, yes! And that's what I'm... that is my story
About me, the little girl, the ant, and the cowboy
Whoo! Yes.
3. Ugly People
I wanted to tell you
While I was talking to you
You dress like you cost eight bucks an hour
I doubt you're worth it, too
All you people
Who haven't done me well
I've grown above you
And you can all go to hell
For all I care
You flipped me off
For hanging up on you
After you spent an hour cursing me off
Well, f--- you, too
All you people
Who stood me up in the past
I'm better now
I can forget you at last
And that's your loss
You told my girlfriend
She should give up on me
You gave her eight reasons why
But she can still truly see
That I'm all right
I'm all right
I'm all right
All you people
Who've given up on me
It only hurt for a while
But now it's easy to see
It's not my fault
And you, you never liked me
And though I don't know why
At least now I can smile
You can't make me cry
I'm better now
All you people
Who haven't done me well
I've grown above you
And you can all go to hell
For all I care
I don't care
I just don't care
4. Lipo
I shouldn't be sayin' this, but I know something
It's a little somethin' that might make you grin
You know I really shouldn't let it out, now
But I ask you: how'd you like to be thin?
5. Not Yet
Whoo-whoo, a dog...what? I said who did you?
Did me. I ws. Whut? Yea@
Yeeha! I
Had some sort of dream last nite...
init me wus a cow... a chicken... a turd.
A broccoli? No, sometimes I walk in the
forest the forest the forest the
forest the woods the forest the owls
and the trees and the dirt, the
soil, some more dirt, some more soil,
knowwhutimean? Some fragrant piles
of monkey doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-
doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Yes, Yes, Yes,
Definitely no. whut? I said whut?
You heard me. Youheardme. You
heard me.
6. Too Fivin' Jive
(instrumental)
7. Proverbs
Relentless as a mosquito
Thirsty/for/blood
Its intangible shape
slips/b e t w e e n
my fingers
as I feel the sting of
my own self pity;
I hear thine cries that are
The devil's own...
Smelling the blood
Taken
Into the devil's own...
I see sin understand
And charles would agree with me
(should I ever make it) to where
I left my heart
But off the shore...
There/is
no/cloven rival/or
winged respite/and
looking truth in the face -
the/sullen,
pale, insecure/face
,I earn no reply
-it will never speak
-I will never know
...until the sun
sits still and
the seas stand
high...
I will never know
I'm sorry
But while blood is taken into the
Devil's Own
I will never know
8. Our Savior
I really need a job in this life
I need some money to feed my kids and my wife
You see, the reason why I can't get hired
All the last fifteen jobs I had, I was fired
But Jesus is coming to save me (x4)
My little Johnny really wanted a bike
I wanted a birthday present for my little tyke
God said the biggest joy in life is to give
Now ever since I stole it, I've been a fugitive
But Jesus is coming to save me (x8)
The NYPD found me while I was on the run
What could I do? So, I took out my gun
I knew that if I shot them, I'd be under arrest
But in the end, it'd be okay, 'cause I could confess
But Jesus is coming to save me
9. Omer's Fetish
"Once I had a guinea hen. I fed it every day. And then..."
"...It died."
"It died... what could I do?"
10. Diminished
Take off this mask
Off of my face
Let my eyes see
Let me show them who I am
I don't need this mask
Of beautiful distraction
Let the world see my flaws
Beaneath its dead cover
I have a smile
Let all my friends see
I have a frown too
Let them know that I can frown
I want the world to know
That what I show I feel
I want the world to understand...
I will take in what I see
Through uncovered eyes
What I see will not be filtered
It will sadden me I know
For all I see will be
Friends and family,
Enemies and strangers
Hiding under masks...
From me.
11. Sunglasses
I'm wearin' sunglasses
Got a jar of molasses
India has social classes
But I'm wearin' sunglasses
Got a pair of green corduroy pants
I sure wish I knew how to dance
I need to get rid of all of the ants
But I got a pair of corduroy pants
Got a microphone and a guitar
I don't know how to play the sitar
A unicycle won't get you very far
But I got a microphone and a guitar
[repeat 1st verse]
12. Mr. Smiles
Once upon a time, I knew the sweetest man
His name was Mr. Smiles
This dude really had it all together
Girls followed him for miles
His future saw a job that paid and pleased with unending prestige
That Mr. Smiles, he's such an awfully nice guy
He doesn't get mad, even when I accidentally punched him in the eye
Boy, that mom of Mr. Smiles, you should see the smile on her too
With a son so successful and handsome and gentle
Why, you'd be proud, too
And then Mr. Smiles meets...
Sweet Georgia Brown
That Mr. Smiles, he's turned himself quite upside down
Now everyone and I, we can't help but call him Mr. Frown
Once recently I said to him,
"Hey buddy, I'm gettin' worried about you"
He spat in my face and flipped me the bird and took my wallet, too
What could I do?
Those girls who all liked Mr. Frown
Now can't help but laugh at him instead
And I can see that Mr. Frown's mom, she's dying inside
For so long she's turned away but now she really can't hide
Her baby's slow suicide
His future's gone, his hell has dawned
All because he was a pawn
Of that unsightly game played on Washington Square Lane
And so, in his lost glory, our tragic hero brings such a sad, sad story
Who'd have thought it'd all end up this way
But it all makes sense, it's no surprise...
Because Mr. Smiles met...
Sweet Georgia Brown
13. Nothin' Ta Sing About
Oh me oh my, and I got...
Nothin' ta sing about
Oh me oh my, and I just...
Look up at the clouds
What am I supposed to do
When I don't know the words?
What am I supposed to say?
I'll just look at the birds...
Yyyyeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh
14. Acrobatic Monkey Ninja
He's f-----g with my head
Tonight I will be dead
And then tomorrow, too
He's gonna come for you
He's gonna get you, man
He's got an evil plan
'Cause he's an acrobatic monkey ninja man...
A knocking at the door
It's louder than before
He wants to have some fun
You'd better hide or run
He's stalking me at night
He says he wants to fight
'Cause he's an acrobatic monkey ninja man...
This mofo feels no pain
He wants to eat your brain
And when he tears you up
He don't think that's enough
You don't believe me now?
He'll f-----g show you how
'Cause he's an acrobatic monkey ninja man...
He's a big fat monkey!
15. Evelyn (Y Did U Have To Leave Me?)
Evelyn
Why did you have to leave me?
Evelyn
Oh, Evelyn
#1. Long Past Over
(instrumental)
#2. Fuzzy Nipples
I want your fuzzy nipples
(repeat)